The World of Grey

We’re going to grow distant. I can already tell. It’s almost futile to keep going…

That stray nanobot.

One microscopic piece of technology, responsible for the resurrection of a long-dead threat.

I laugh in the face of defeat.

Sometimes, when you want that perfect garden, you’ve got to prune out the impurities.

I know I’ll never have the tree.

But, at least, I’ll have the seed.

I’ve heard through the grapevine.

I don’t like what I’ve heard.

Seems there was two sides to this crescent, all along.

I come into this light with a purpose.

Almost three years have passed since that meeting. Granted, under much different circumstance than what we’ve arrived at now, but still such a long time. If anyone were to know about me from the inside to the surface, it would be her. She knows what I like, how to care for me and deal with my moods. I won’t lie, though - sometimes, she comes so close to losing me when I’m at my lowest point, so I try not to get there, because I don’t want her to lose me.

I must admit, I am a manipulator. If I really wanted to, I can manipulate and control almost anyone I please. I can lie through my teeth like a politician, and give a smile to boot. I’ve manipulated many people over the past seven years, getting what I wanted from them - their misery. The few people I don’t manipulate - or try not to, anyway - are friends and whoever I’m with, romantically.

I also admit, I’m not a very good person for relationships. I’m incredibly difficult to make happy; even harder to keep me there. I’ll try to sabotage whatever good my relationship gives me, because I dwell in misery (re-iterating my “Aluminum” post.) I can’t commit, because I’m extremely terrified of the pain it could cause if it suddenly ended, one day (once again, re-iterating my “Aluminum” post.)

Somehow, she’s stuck with me through all of it throughout the past three years, give or take multiple occurrences where she decided to disappear. I didn’t blame her, though - she’s much like me; scared of committing. I understand it so well.

I’ve cheated on her, as an effort to sabotage our relationship, but also because of my childlike need for attention and affection. It was during the times where she had become so busy; almost like she didn’t have time for me. It hindered me, made me feel almost unwanted, but I really couldn’t blame her. She has a son, a job, other friends that I feel ridiculously jealous of, a life. I don’t have that. I’ve got nothing but time.

So, as a result, I sought attention and affection from others, people who had nothing but time, themselves. It was a mistake I didn’t have to make, but I did, and I’ve regretted it ever since.

Sometimes, she’d disappear, and I thought she’d never come back, prompting me to find someone else in an attempt to fill the void. Very few times, it almost worked, but she’d return, and I would come back to her because I knew that, in the end, she was the one that could make me happy.

But, I come into this light, lovingly.

I love her, quite a bit. I never will stop loving her, because I am unable to. If I can manage it, I would like to stay with her forever, but it’s only a dream at this point. The things I’ve done could prompt her to not trust me, prompt her to not believe a word I say and give her a reason to leave, as it once did.

I come into this light, hopeful.

I hope everything works out in the end for her and I, as I once did. I expect nothing - a trait of being a cynic. I hope to be proven wrong by her. I hope to have the best relationship that I can have, and I hope it’s with her.

I come into this light, wary.

I am not without suspicion. I am human, after all, and it is human nature to suspect, either knowingly or in subconscious terms. I suspect that what I’ve done could be dealt to me in return, but even still, I trust her. I always have, for it was I who did wrong by her, not the other way around.

I come into this light, weak.

I am still afraid of being happy, still afraid of committing, and only a trusting and loving hand can guide me back to the path I strayed so far from long ago. It is difficult for me to come back from what I’ve done, but I hope forgiveness is in the future.

I come into this light with a purpose.

I plan on spending the rest of my life with her. I love her that much to do so, and have hurt many in the process - something I always have regretted. I did not mean to put them through the pain I’ve caused them countless times, and I apologize to all of them, knowing I may not receive the forgiveness I am not able to deserve. But, I want my life to be with her. I know she can make me happy. I know she can make me whole. It’ll take some time, but things will work out. I have faith in it.

I have faith in us.

I love you, Lily. Eternally, with every shard of my fractured heart.

I have ten followers! zOMG!

To celebrate, an image of Nyan Cat…

…with this lady! :OOOO